


Half a Cup of Chopped Nuts

by rainier_day



Series: The Mighty Neighbours [3]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Neighbors, Alternate Universe - Urban Fantasy, But more like information gathering, Cookies, Gen, Hijinks & Shenanigans, M/M, Porn Watching, Team Bonding, widomaukweek2019
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-06
Updated: 2019-06-06
Packaged: 2020-04-11 15:27:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,152
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19112500
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rainier_day/pseuds/rainier_day
Summary: Caleb’s boyfriend is weird.





	Half a Cup of Chopped Nuts

**Author's Note:**

> Day 4: Free day
> 
> I went with games which ended up this somehow and an extra at the end

Caleb’s boyfriend is weird.

Most of the time, he can barely make it past the thought of _Caleb’s boyfriend_. But the fact of the matter still stands.

Caleb’s boyfriend is weird.

Not in a bad way. Just in the same way that all his friends are their own brand of weird, himself included. But Mollymauk’s weird is decidedly unique.

He dances with Caleb’s cat (and occasionally with Caleb).

He’s better at juggling an odd number of things (four is his weakest number).

He’s somehow always finding new ways to do things simply because it suits his whimsy.

Like now, for instance.

While walking into Molly and Yasha’s apartment to find porn playing on the TV is far from the last thing he expected, what he doesn’t expect is a crowd on the couch, each watching stoically with pen and paper in hand as the actors loudly swear and moan.

“What is happening?” he asks, only half wanting to hear the answer. Whatever it is, he already knows it’ll be beyond even his wildest guess.

“Oh, Caleb, did you have a nice day at work? Did you get a lot of research done?” Jester asks happily.

He nods. “Ja, I did. Thank you for asking. I thought it was game night. What happened to C&C?”

She smiles. “We _are_ playing a game!”

“Guys, flour!” Beau suddenly shouts, pointing her pen at the screen.

They all immediately start writing. “How much do you think that was? Two cups?” Fjord asks. “Are we allowed to rewind?”

Molly laughs. “No rewinds!”

“Yeah, we do this like men, Fjord,” Beau cackles. “Crude estimates only!”

Kicking off his shoes, Caleb takes a seat next to Molly, who remains curled at Yasha’s side but wraps his tail affectionately around his arm.

It took a little while to convince him, but he eventually agreed to set aside a couple nights every week for his friends. Although, admittedly, this is somehow both what he had in mind and exactly what he envisioned. “What game are you playing exactly?”

“We’re trying to get a cookie recipe,” Yasha tells him.

Caleb narrows his eyes in confusion. “You are trying to get a cookie recipe from this…video. Why?”

She shrugs and says, “Jester wanted cookies,” as if that was enough to explain everything.

Taking a moment to consider it, it kind of does.

Even so, he still purses his lips and asks, “Jester wanted cookies, so you went _online_ and looked up this video instead of a recipe?”

Molly looks over and shrugs. “It was the first thing that came up.”

At this, Caleb narrows his eyes further. “ _It was the first_ — …I do not think you are using the right search engine, Mollymauk.”

“Boo! That’s really bad technique. Put more thrust into it!” Jester shouts at the TV just then. “Hey! Butter, she’s adding softened butter!”

“No, don’t smear it on yourself! It’s for the cookies!” Beau shouts, sounding genuinely upset.

Fjord frowns and scribbles something onto his page. “I think she got a good amount into the mixture. Maybe half a cup?”

Molly looks over. “You can’t just give away all your measurements, Fjord. You gotta leave some things to the imagination!” Turning his attention back to Caleb, he explains, “We’re writing down our best guess at the recipe and then we’re gonna try to make them! Nott will be coming by after work so you two can be our judges.”

Beau looks over and waggles her brows at him. “Sure hope you’re not allergic to nuts Caleb, but I guess you’re dating Molly so you wouldn’t be.” Then she adds, “No, but seriously, I think I saw her put chopped walnuts in so that’s in my recipe.”

Yasha blinks and looks down at her own notes. “Oh, I didn’t get that.”

“Eggs!” Jester shouts, stomping her feet in excitement. “ _No!_ She _dropped_ it!”

Fjord frowns. “Does that still count then? I mean, aren’t they just gonna TV magic an egg in after? Screw it, I’m writing it down. Two eggs.”

Sitting there and watching his friends studiously writing notes down as the actress on screen tosses her head back with another hearty moan, not for the first time, Caleb wonders how he landed himself in this strange group of friends.

“Mixing! She’s mixing the ingredients!” Molly calls out, pointing at the screen. “Or, she’s kind of jabbing at it?”

“More like she’s the one getting jabbed,” Yasha says quietly before bumping fists with Molly and Beau.

He watches the actress spoon mixture onto a cookie tray, rolling each lump into a little ball, paying far more attention to the task than to the man behind her.

Jester leans forward with interest. “She’s _really_ making sure those cookies are at least an inch apart.”

“Guess she’s really into baking. Or maybe this guy’s just not very good,” Beau says with a shrug. “How long would you say the prep time was for this? Two orgasms?”

Fjord scoffs. “I’m more curious how we’re going to get a bake time down. Did she even preheat the oven?”

They all lean forward, Jester walks right up to the TV screen. “Yeah, I think that’s at 350, Fjord.”

They all scribble down the temperature and continue watching attentively and then cover their eyes as the cookies are placed in the oven without any pause in their _other_ activity. “That can’t be safe,” Molly mutters, his tail wrapping around Caleb’s arm a little tighter. “Not even _I_ would do that.”

“Well, you heard it here first, folks,” Beau says with a laugh. “Should we get a timer for this?”

“Nah, let’s see if they can time it so it ends right when the cookies are done,” Molly says. “Baking time: one orgasm.”

He leans over and chances a glance over at Molly’s notebooks to see crude drawings littering the margins of the page. Noticing his stare, the tiefling flips the page to reveal a poorly drawn picture of Beau and Caleb has to stifle a laugh. “You are ridiculous.”

Molly smiles and presses a kiss to his lips. “I’m glad you could join us.”

Beau makes a face. “If you two are about to start making cookies, take it back to Caleb’s apartment.”

Jester laughs. “Just don’t put them into the oven like these two.”

“Imagine that ambulance call,” Fjord says with a chuckle.

They continue bantering back and forth until the door opens and Nott walks in just as both the cookies and the actors finish. “What is _happening_ in here!?”

“I called it!” Molly shouts.

“But how long did that take!?” Beau shouts back just as Jester says, “Hi Nott! You made it just in time!”

Nott stares at them. “In time for what!?”

Leaning over and throwing his arms around Caleb, Molly grins and tells her, “For game night, obviously!”

Caleb’s boyfriend is weird.

And he wouldn’t have it any other way.

**Author's Note:**

> **Bonus: C &C (Companies and Coworkers)**
> 
> Caleb looks down at his script and begins to read, “Tracy, you are sitting at your desk when you notice Geoff approaching you. He looks excited about something.”
> 
> Yasha grimaces. “Oh, that’s never good.”
> 
> Beau frowns. “Can I try to figure out why he’s so happy?”
> 
> “Ja, roll investigation for me.”
> 
> “That’s going to be a 19 so a 23?” She grins. “I know _everything_ about this guy. I can see into his very _soul_.”
> 
> He nods. “You know Geoff is a big baseball fan and notice that he’s wearing his baseball shirt. And with that roll, you suddenly remember there is a game tonight.”
> 
> Jester claps her hands. “Oh no, Beau, you know he _loves_ his small talk.”
> 
> “Shit, I’m going to try to duck out of there,” Beau says,
> 
> “Roll dexterity to see if you’re fast enough,” he tells her.
> 
> She practically throws her dice at the table. “No! I got a five! So that’s a nine?”
> 
> “Nein!” Jester and Molly shout.
> 
> Caleb shakes his head. “Not good enough. Geoff comes up to your table and says, ‘Hi Tracy, guess where I’m going tonight?’” He glances up at his snickering friends and glares. “Ja, I know I can’t do accents. This is why I wanted Fjord to be District Manager.”
> 
> Nott pats him on the knee. “I thought that was very good.”
> 
> Beau begins fidgeting. “’I’ll send you straight to _hell_ if you don’t shut up right now!’”
> 
> Fjord winces. “Is that really necessary? You’re in a professional environment.”
> 
> “I hate baseball!” she shouts back.
> 
> “Roll intimidation and I will contest it with his intelligence.”
> 
> “Can I help her to give her advantage?” Yasha offers.
> 
> He shakes his head. “Nein, you are currently in combat with the printer.”
> 
> So Beau rolls and jumps up, nearly punching Fjord in the face. “Oh! A 17 plus one! Eighteen! Take that, Geoff!”
> 
> Caleb also rolls and tries not to smile.
> 
> Molly leans over and laughs. “A nat twenty! Oh, this is just _brilliant_! You're so screwed, Tracy.”
> 
> Turning to Beau, Caleb says with his best pan-American accent, “’Ha ha, you’re so funny, Tracy!’ And then he proceeds to tell you all about what he thinks will happen at the game tonight and all of the players’ stats and batting averages. Your manager walks by at one point and looks disapprovingly at you. This will probably show up in your review next week.”
> 
> Beau scowls. “No! Damn it! Go away, Geoff! Fuck! What do you even _do_ here!?”
> 
> (a continuation of this insanity [here](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19894087/chapters/48688151))


End file.
